Background
Emotionally Focused Therapy is a style of couples counseling based on the scientific study of attachment (or what some people call “bonding”). It is carefully designed to help you and your partner create new relationship patterns—specifically, to help de-escalate conflict--unfair fights, problems with communication, etc.--and then to facilitate secure, lasting attachments between romantic partners. The goal is to increase security, closeness, and communication.
My own background lies in psychodynamic psychotherapy from a Jungian orientation. I have a Ph.D. from the premiere graduate school in the country for Depth Psychology—Pacifica Graduate Institute. In addition, I am also a training candidate at the Inter-Regional Society of Jungian Analysts, where I am seeking my diplomate in Jungian psychoanalysis.
I should add that I find my background in Jungian psychology immensely useful in understanding the psychological complexity of what happens between couples—and in understanding what happens inside each member of the couple when they are in conflict.
I do look forward to working with you.
The EFT Approach
Emotionally Focused Couples therapy is a brief approach, usually lasting from 10-20 sessions. The initial sessions are based around de-escalating conflict and working on communication issues. In the middle sessions of therapy, we work together to build new, stronger bonds of intimacy. The final steps are about consolidating and integrating the changes in the relationship.
In a nutshell, Emotionally Focused Therapy is designed to help couples address attachment-related issues and learn how to interact with their romantic partners in a more loving, responsive, and emotionally connected way.
Helpful Tips
1. When things get tense in our sessions, it’s useful to avoid “blaming statements” or speaking in absolutes (“he never lets me speak” or “she always ignores my emotions”). We want to avoid generalities and try, when we can, to speak about specific events, times, and places (“I was very frustrated at my partner last Saturday night”).
2. Focus on your own authentic experience. Rather than say, “My husband doesn’t listen to me,” say instead, “Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t listen to me. Sometimes when I try to talk to him, I sense that he is disengaged.” Rather than say, “My wife is always correcting me,” try something like, “When my wife is telling me what to do, I end up feeling frustrated, as if on some level she’s telling me I’m stupid.” The purpose of communicating in this manner is to focus our sessions on everyone’s own authentic experience and thus on the emotional cycle at the root of the problem.
3. Remember, our job is not to find the Absolute Truth or to cast blame. We are here to discover everyone’s unique experience (or perception) of the relationship.
EFFECTIVENESS OF EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED THERAPY
Emotionally Focused Therapy is one of the most extensively studied therapies for couples. There is a strong empirical base of evidence identifying positive outcomes for about three-quarters of the couples undergoing EFT, including a decrease in distress while in therapy. Follow-up studies have shown that the positive effects of the treatment have continued for years after the therapy concludes.
In addition to EFT techniques, I also make use insights from Jungian psychotherapy and techniques from Brief Strategic Therapy relating to the ways in which we can make small changes that clear away the logjams in our life.